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What About...What is marriage??
God invented marriage: he thinks it's a good thing. But what does he say about what marriage actually is, and why it's valuable? Ephesians chapter 5 verses 24 and 25 is a good place to turn to...
I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about what picture you would like to have above your mantelpiece in your marital home, or if you’re married, what picture do you have? I know that is a strange question, but it actually took my parents nearly 30 years after they got married to agree what picture should go in their lounge. Lizzie and I were talking about it the other day, but at the moment there’s still just a blank wall, but I don’t want to settle for a blank wall forever.
What makes a picture worth having? Well, they’re beautiful, aren’t they? We have one in our hall which is a picture of Loch Ness. It’s a valuable painting by a local artist, some relatives bought it and I imagine it cost a bit. In its own right, it is beautiful, and it’s valuable to us.
But the thing about this painting is that, much as I like it (and I know as much about Art as Kevin Keegan does about tactics), it’s nowhere near as nice as Loch Ness itself, which is one of my favourite places in this country. When we were there on holiday I loved it. It’s great to look at the painting, but it’s better to be at Loch Ness itself. So it was with that picture of the Alps, and certainly with my painting of the church. This picture’s greatest value to me doesn’t lie in what it is, but with what it’s a picture of.
Why are we thinking about these pictures and our marital mantelpieces? Well it’s because according to God marriage itself is meant to be a picture, a relationship which is itself of great value, but which is of most value because it points to an even greater relationship.
Let me explain, using a couple of sentences from the Bible. One thing that every wife would love from her husband is never-ending love, a love that puts her first and never says ‘That’s enough!’ – and Ephesians chapter 5 v25 explains that a husband who loves like that is actually picturing something that Christ did. “Husbands, love your wives. Love them just as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for her.” Christ Jesus, God in human form, gave up everything, gave up the riches of heaven, to come and live as a man and then to die – and why? Because he loves us, because through giving his own life he can give anyone a fulfilled, valued life. He gave his life so that the church, that’s anyone and everyone who knows Christ, could be given eternal life. So when a husband gives something up for his wife – whether it’s his life as he jumps in front of a bus to save her, or more likely the remote control because Match of the Day is on at the same time as Desperate Housewives – when a husband gives something up for his wife, he’s picturing what on a much more awesome scale Christ did. Christ loves you so much he gave everything he had for you.
But v24 of Ephesians chapter 5 adds something too – ‘The church follows the lead of Christ. In the same way, wives should follow the lead of their husbands in everything.’ What does it mean to ‘follow the lead’ of someone? Well to me it means support and encouragement and loyalty, backing your husband in the decisions he makes because you know he loves you and would give up anything for you. And as a wife helps and supports and backs her husband, follows his lead, she is also a picture – she pictures the way the church, Jesus’ followers, follow Jesus’ lead. A Christian is by no means a submissive doormat without any independence or character – but a Christian is someone who follows Jesus, who works hard for Jesus, who lets Jesus take the lead in their life. So there’s the picture that God intends marriage to be – marriage as a picture of an even greater relationship, just as this is a beautiful picture of an even more beautiful reality.
Why is the relationship Jesus has with people more valuable than a marriage? Well, let’s be honest, in even the happiest marriage, each partner lets the other down from time to time; even the most fulfilling marriage doesn’t deliver on every single hope we bring to it; and even the most committed marriage one day ends, it’s why we make wedding promises to each other ‘till death do us part.’ But the relationship Jesus offers people is a relationship in which he will never let anyone down, because he’s perfect; it’s a relationship which delivers everything, because it offers a life without need for worry or regret; and it’s a relationship which cannot be ended even by death, but instead lasts forever, because Jesus died and rose again to conquer death.
Now you could all come and enjoy looking at the picture of Loch Ness in our house without knowing what exactly it was a picture of; but of course with that painting what makes it more valuable to me than to someone who’s never been to Scotland is that I have experienced the reality which the picture points to; I love it more, and not less, because I know how wonderful the real Loch Ness is. Now, if God’s right and marriage is a picture of the bigger relationship anyone can have with Christ, then that would mean that we only understand the true value of marriage if we experience what it points to. We only appreciate how great our marriage relationship is if we know for ourselves the greater relationship with Christ that it is a picture of.
So what does that leave us to mull over as we think about what marriage is, or should be? Well, I suppose the first question is – when I get married, or in the marriage I have, do I want if you like the picture above my marital mantelpiece to be just a picture, something that has great value in itself but no more than that, or do I want to understand what it is a picture of? Can it be true that the relationship I am so excited about with my spouse is a picture of an even better, more fulfilling, and eternal relationship that God’s Son Jesus offers and that we can both enjoy? Do I need to grasp the fact that my marriage is of great value not just because of who I am and who she is, but because it reminds me every day of the relationship I can have with Christ?
And then I suppose the next question, for anyone who understands that their marriage is a picture that points to Christ’s relationship with his people, is actually a challenge. How good a picture is our marriage? Is it like a professional picture or is it more like a 5-year-old’s doodle? Husbands, in the way you give up yourself and your wants for your wife, are you being a good picture of Christ’s love for the church? Are you being a good picture even when you’re tired or stressed or had a bad day at the office? Wives, how can you relate to your husband, back him and be loyal to him and encourage him, in a way that pictures how Christians follow Christ’s lead? If people came to your house for a weekend sometime, would they be provided with a good, clear picture of the relationship between Christ and his people?
And then finally, an encouragement. Lots of people aren’t in a relationship; and while society may not make so much of marriage itself anymore, there is real pressure, isn’t there, to have a relationship, to not be single. But God’s view of marriage as a picture is of great encouragement to anyone here who’s single, because it reminds us all what the most important relationship is – and if you’re a single Christian, if you’re someone who’s following Christ, then though you may not be experiencing that wonderful picture, marriage, you are in fact experiencing the reality. And it’s actually better to have the reality than the picture; better to have that fulfilling, constant, eternal relationship with Christ than to have a marriage which has great value but is actually a picture of that greater relationship. Better if you like to be living at Loch Ness than just to have a picture of Loch Ness in your hall. Marriage is a picture of a greater relationship – and anyone, married or unmarried, single or not, from a ‘church family’ or not, anyone can have that greater relationship and the fulfilled, secure and eternal life that only a relationship with Jesus Christ, offers. |
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